I hunt Northern Montana a lot. I love that country. Whether
it’s the limestone reefs and elk of the Rocky Mountain Front, the whitetails of
the Marias and Milk rivers, or the Sheep in the Breaks, I can’t get enough of
Northern Montana. I’ve never run into a terrorist, drug smuggler or human
trafficker in all those years running around the Front or Breaks.
But somehow, unbeknownst to everyone in the world, including
the Border Patrol and the Department of Homeland Security, the hippies are on
the wire.
HR 1505 would hand “operational control” of our public lands
over to the Border Patrol and Homeland Security from the Border to 100 miles
south. The idea is to slow down drug trafficking, illegal immigration and
hippies. Noble, right?
However, when Congress passed a law similar in scope to HR
1505 a few years ago to build that border fence down south, they did so over the
objections that people are raising today.
According to Howard Frederick, a landowner who is completely
surrounded by public land, and lives four miles from the Mexico/Arizona Border,
the best outcome of increased road traffic and improved roads along the border
has been that the Drug Traffickers now have very good roads to run their brand
new suburban’s down, and as a result, a 3% drop in the price of Mexican Brown
Heroin means better profit margins for the Cartels.
Way to go Congress!
I can see the thought process unfold as Representative
Bishop and his Co-Sponsors (including MT’s own Congressman Dennis Rehberg)
brainstorm:
[Interior: Smoke
filled room. Leather chairs and mahogany bookshelves with leather bound books
along the wall. A painting of George Washington Crossing the Delaware is across
the room from a velvet painting of dogs playing poker]
Fat Cat Politician: “They’re
coming in by the patchouli laden handfuls. They’re bringing their dope, and
more than likely, single payer healthcare.”
Gaggle: “Harrumph!”
Fat Cat Politician 2:
“By god. This must be stopped. These hippies must never gain access to our
lands, and our women."
Representative Bishop:
“We need a fence! Wait, no. Even better: We need forward operating bases full
of Blackhawk helicopters, drones and black clad operatives running around the
hills silently training their M4 carbines on us as we frolic nakedly in the
South Fork of the Flathead, or chase Wapiti and bear in Lincoln County."
Gaggle: “Harrumph,
Harrumph, Harrumph, Harrumph!!!!”
Congressman Rehberg: “We
must surrender our liberty for just a little bit of security. Hippies, they’re
more dangerous than grizzly bears."
Congressman Gossar: “Hippies.
Canadian hippies no less. Next thing you know we’ll all be living in communes
and singing Gordon Lightfoot songs."
Gaggle: “Goddamned
Hippies!!.”
There’s hippies in the hills, man. Can’t you see the
urgency?!?!?!
Some days I feel like we’ve crossed over into bat country,
like Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I feel like we’ve
hit that weird space where reality and idiocy intermingle and we get these strange
bills that nobody wants, but everyone will fight for.
Sound stupid? It is. But that’s part of the reasoning behind
one of the largest power grabs proposed in the last 10 years. HR 1505 is
supposed to help secure our borders. It won’t.
In fact, if you listen to the Department of Homeland
Security, the Border Patrol and the people who actually manage our public
lands, HR 1505 is completely unnecessary and they don’t want it.
HR 1505 would hand “operational control” of our public lands
over to the Border Patrol and Homeland Security. The idea is to slow down drug
trafficking, illegal immigration and hippies.
However, when Congress passed a law similar in scope to HR
1505 a few years ago to build that border fence down south, they did so over
the objections that people are raising today.
So, why all the hub-bub? HR 1505 comes up for a floor vote
this week. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe Wednesday. It’ll happen when the
stuffed shirts back east think it works best for them politically.
It’s important to let our elected officials know that
handing authority over to one central agency is a bad idea. It doesn’t matter
if it is about public lands, which according to FWP, approximately 70% of all
harvested wildlife come from, or if it’s about private lands, where the rights
of private property owners are held sacrosanct in Montana; this is a bad bill.
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